It was practice time. She had been cheering since she was in freshmen year, but this year was different. It wasn't going to be like all those other years, where other teams would make fun of her and laugh at her all the time. This year, she and her teammates would work hard to achieve their ultimate goal: number one. However, from day one, practices were exhausting. Everyday she had to stay after school until 5:00 practicing, learning, stunting, and creating new dances and cheers over and over again. But Lydia had to strive forward to achieve her ultimate goal. It was the last year the whole team would be together and they always received fourth place. Finally, it was time. The time had come when all the practices and effort would either go to waste or be useful. As Lydia and her teammates stepped on to the dance floor, nerves were flowing throughout her body. Would it be a waste of time? Would someone mess up? The first beat came on and the team did better than ever. Ecstatic after the first run showing, everyone jumped up and down in joy. But as they all watched the other teams, it seemed impossible to reach their ultimate goal. After she slept while waiting for the results, the announcer came out. "3rd place, KIS Phoenix!" Tears rolled down her face as her and her teammates went to receive the plaque. All the effort, time, and sticking together as one team really paid off in the end.
Kevin G Lee's comment: Very emotional, real life incident, and good usage of third person.
Sam Lee's comment: Very touching story, and realistic. You seemed to have understood the concept of stream of consciousness. I don't think I see any thing to criticize about your paragraph. Good job!
Mingoo Park's comment: Your story was very realistic and powerful. I can see that you have learned how to write in the third person of view. Good job!
Stream of Consciousness: "Cheer Time."
It was practice time. She had been cheering since she was in freshmen year, but this year was different. It wasn't going to be like all those other years, where other teams would make fun of her and laugh at her all the time. This year, she and her teammates would work hard to achieve their ultimate goal: number one. However, from day one, practices were exhausting. Everyday she had to stay after school until 5:00 practicing, learning, stunting, and creating new dances and cheers over and over again. But Lydia had to strive forward to achieve her ultimate goal. It was the last year the whole team would be together and they always received fourth place. Finally, it was time. The time had come when all the practices and effort would either go to waste or be useful. As Lydia and her teammates stepped on to the dance floor, nerves were flowing throughout her body. Would it be a waste of time? Would someone mess up? The first beat came on and the team did better than ever. Ecstatic after the first run showing, everyone jumped up and down in joy. But as they all watched the other teams, it seemed impossible to reach their ultimate goal. After she slept while waiting for the results, the announcer came out. "3rd place, KIS Phoenix!" Tears rolled down her face as her and her teammates went to receive the plaque. All the effort, time, and sticking together as one team really paid off in the end.
Kevin G Lee's comment: Very emotional, real life incident, and good usage of third person.
Sam Lee's comment: Very touching story, and realistic. You seemed to have understood the concept of stream of consciousness. I don't think I see any thing to criticize about your paragraph. Good job!
Mingoo Park's comment: Your story was very realistic and powerful. I can see that you have learned how to write in the third person of view. Good job!